Sexuality

Sexuality is a complex and value-laden topic. Sexual attraction appears to lie across a continuum with approximately ten percent of people exclusively attracted to the same or the opposite gender. For eighty percent of people sexual attraction is not exclusively toward men or women.

Sadly we do not live in a society where the diversity of sexual orientation is respected and appreciated. Men attracted to men and women attracted to women are seen as "less than" and are exposed to ongoing homophobic messages.

Homophobia may be defined as the "irrational fear or hatred of homosexual persons". Part of our accepted social fabric, the fear of homosexuality causes many heterosexuals to deride gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered people as ‘abnormal’. Homophobia also prevents many heterosexual people, men in particular, from exploring same sex intimacy (emotional, physical, and not necessarily sexual) even though they may be desirous of ‘closer connections’. The fear of this natural desire for intimacy may then be projected onto gay/lesbian people who are seen as ‘wrong’.

Growing up and participating in a culture where same sex desire is condemned and vilified, those of us who are not heterosexually identified internalise messages of hate. When we come to recognise our own sexual orientation, these messages may translate into self-hate. Usually our sexual orientation is not clear to us until puberty at the earliest, sometimes much later; although with hindsight the pervasive sense of ‘difference’ many of us experienced in our childhood now has a name. The self-hatred experienced with internalised homophobia cannot be understated. Studies of young people repeatedly show that gay and lesbian youth are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than other youths, and 30 percent of all completed youth suicides are related to the issue of sexual identity. A report on the experiences of sexual minorities in Ontario, surveying 1,233 people ("Systems Failure" 1997) conducted by CLGRO (the coalition for Lesbian and Gay rights in Ontario), found that 23% of respondents had been physically assaulted and 71% verbally harassed because of their sexual orientation.

What happens to those of us who survive into adulthood? The single largest predictor of mental health is self-acceptance, a general sense of personal worth, coupled with a positive view of our sexual orientation, and this may be partially achieved by developing supportive social networks and participating in a gay/lesbian positive work environment. Being completely "out" counters internalised shame; but at a cost: threats to physical safety, the pressure to educate others, exposure to hostile reactions etc. The reality of being ‘out’ in the world is that it exacts a psychic toll. Receiving constant reminders that we are considered ‘less than’ in a heterosexist patriarchy feeds any remaining self-doubt. Being partially or wholly ‘in the closet’ intensifies feelings of unworthiness.

Many of us flee unhappy experiences in our youth, often physically relocating to a larger urban center to start afresh. Internalised feelings of being ‘less than’, however, do not disappear. When a crisis occurs, or a relationship goes wrong, unresolved feelings of low self-worth related to sexual orientation will re-emerge "Well what can I expect as a fag/dyke, I get what I deserve". Other manifestations of unresolved internalised homophobia may include overachieving in order to ‘prove’ that to be gay/lesbian/bi/trans is as good as being heterosexual.

Therapeutic exploration of the impact of homophobia helps puts the responsibility for this back where it belongs: out of the individual body/psyche and onto a societal ideology which is fundamentally flawed in the bigoted condemnation of the non-privileged; the ‘non-normals’.

For more on levels of internalised homophobia click here (Adobe PDF).