Loneliness

Loneliness is something we all experience at different times in our lives. Sometimes it feels like an unbearable ache that won’t go away. Depression and hopelessness may be present when we feel that we may never find someone to love. Commonly we may use alcohol to try and mask the pain, or our loneliness may drive us to seek out partners that do not meet our needs in order to help ease the ache.

There is a lot of pressure in society and within families to be in a relationship. If you are single it is regarded as a temporary unpleasant situation which needs to be fixed. Families and friends can warn of being left on the shelf, your social life may feel inhibited as you experience yourself as the “fifth wheel” at gatherings and events. It seems that almost every popular song is directed to falling or being in love.

How can therapy help? Often loneliness and the feeling of desperation can lead to poor choices - choices that would be made differently if you felt better about yourself as a single person. From a place of thinly-veiled misery, people may pick partners who are abusive, disrespectful or with whom they have nothing in common other than seeking a partner. Years pass and these relationships most commonly result in painful, protracted and difficult break-ups.

If you are single it is the perfect time to consider doing some self-examination. Where did you learn you need to be in a relationship to be whole? Do you have a pattern of sabotaging relationships that you could explore? Do you feel deep down that you may not really be capable of loving? Or worthy of love?

We know that all children come into the world entitled to be loved - somewhere along the line that entitlement may get lost, and it can be regained. Therapeutic self-exploration can lead you to recognising how great you are - whether you have a partner or not. Then you may or may not choose to be in relationship - and you will say, “I know what I have to offer you is amazing, what can you offer me that will enhance my life?” and not “Will you find me good enough?”