Choosing a therapist

The word 'therapist' originally had the meaning 'attendant'. A skilled therapist pays meticulous attention to your personal work; occasionally offering tools that will help you advance in a more satisfying, though often initially uncomfortable, way. My personal belief is that you are the expert on your own experience, although sometimes, for whatever reason, you may be experiencing difficulties accessing your own self-expertise. This is where a therapist can offer assistance.

While it is true that many therapists have spent substantial amounts of time in their own therapy, and understand that they are honoured to attend to another's personal work, there will always be some individuals who, for whatever reason, feel a need to become therapists in order to "save people". Others may believe they are the experts on your life and can tell you how you "should" be. These therapists may have an agenda that does not meet your needs.

The following are suggestion to help you in exercising your right to interview a therapist to assess if they are a good fit for you. You may have to try on twenty pairs of shoes to find a good fit - your emotional and mental health needs are at least as worthy of attention as your feet!

Scheduling the interview

If a face-to-face interview will be charged as a 'session', you may wish to negotiate a 15-minute telephone interview. If the person becomes defensive as you are asking questions, they may not be right for you.

Questions to consider: For you

• Have you had any negative experiences in your life with men or women that may influence your choice of gender?
• What is important in helping you to talk openly and express vulnerability?
• Is it important for you that the therapist shares your identity and lived experience as e.g. a woman, a person of colour, an immigrant?

Questions to consider asking the therapist:

• What do they consider the overall goal of therapy to be; does it match your own?
• Are they a member of a professional body or association? If not, what recourse do you have if you have a complaint about the therapy?
• What is their background and training? Ask them to be specific.
• If you are aware of a specific issue for yourself (e.g. depression, abandonment) ask them about their understanding of the issue.
• Do they have a sliding scale? (I.e. from a fixed lower rate to a higher one).
• What is their policy around last minute cancellations - will you still be charged?

Trust your gut. If you have a strong feeling that a certain person is someone you would be able to work with, your instincts are worth listening to. Remember, even if you start working with a therapist, you can re-choose at any time. You are the agent of your own process.