Love and Loss

Loss work is painful and difficult, and we are often resentful that we must undertake this necessary journey. Why is it necessary to do grief work? What purpose does it serve?

Attachment is what makes us human. When we attach we open up our hearts to another, we choose to give and receive love - there is no higher purpose. With our companion animals we open to their unconditional love, and there is no other feeling like it. Animal love is extraordinarily special.

This way of loving is very natural. Many years ago studies performed on monkeys showed how fundamental love and caring is for us to survive. When newborn baby monkeys were given the choice of spending time with a “mother monkey” made of wire with a teat offering milk or a “mother monkey” who was all soft and wrapped in terrycloth but with no food, they would choose to be comforted rather than fed!

It is through our ability to attach to another being that we have the opportunity to experience joy in the world. Think about it for a moment; if someone asked you what experiences in life have brought you the most joy or bliss, the first memory you probably have is of another person or an animal companion. Attaching to another being is a process that makes us vulnerable. The more of our true selves we share with another, and the more accepted and cherished we are, the greater our attachment.

Grief work is the counterpart to attachment, and part of the broader life cycle of attaching and losing. The pain of loss is the other side of the coin of the joy experienced in attachment and loving. Loss work makes us feel vulnerable, and often isolated if nobody around us truly understands how badly we feel.

To grieve well is to honour the attachment and love, and to explore and experience the absence of that love in mourning. From there we can move on as wiser, stronger, and more self-aware people, ready to open to love again with the knowledge and understanding of both the joy of loving, and the sorrow of losing.